new comings

ok so i belive i have my head on straight when it comes to guys at the moment.  yes i still like the other guy alot, but nice guy is really growing on me.  so much in fact that i want to spend my time with him. so i have to be carefull and not move to quickly when it comes to him.  i dont want to mess things up like i have before with other guys.  i belive im doing ok so far.  he really is sweet, and nice and understanding and cute.  i can talk to him, it might not be about serious things, but hey atleast i can communicate when i need to.  im very comfortable telling him things, they might not be things that i should be telling him, but hey atleast im talking.  he talks to me too, which is always a perk.  :)  it is strange that we are so much a like but so different.  i belive i made the comment last night that we were like a cheerleader and the emo kid.  except hes really not emo, hes more dark and sadistical, which why hes so very adoring.  there is a side to him that is kinda scarey and creepy, he LOVES zombies, they kinda give me nightmares, but hes really gentle and most poeple dont see that part of him at all.  he really wouldnt hurt anyone unless they really REALLY deserved it.  anyways, im rambling...

i guess thats all.  oh yeah, he is a FANTASTIC kisser, which says alot since im really the first girl hes ever kissed/made-out with.

questions for the sane

ok so here's some questions. what do you do when you are head over heels for a guy you know it wont work out with? what do you do when you and said guy are just friends? what do you do when you meet someone new, and you like them, but your still not over the first guy? i unfortnatly am in this situation. i started dating this guy over the summer and just a couple of weeks ago we decided that it would be better for us to just be friends. i really like this guy, ALOT....and he says he really likes me too. but then he says other things that make me feel like he just says the first thing to make me feel better. i mean right now, we are just friends and thats fine, i honestly think we are too different to really get on well right now anyways. its just that the whole time i was with him, i was so confused by everything, what we were, what we werent, our lack of communication was scary. it was just a giant yo-yo of a relationship. i thought that if we talked about it and just decided one or the other then i would have some form of closuer for the whole thing. i was wrong, i'm still just as confused. i know i should talk to him about it, but i mean honestly what do i say? hey i know we are just friends but i still have major feelings for you, and i feel like im getting mixed signals from you via the phone and through email. yeah i dont really see that going over well...i mean i hate that he says things like, i prepped all week long to get my sleep schedual in sync like a normal person so that i would be ready to hang out with you....or..my cat misses you. i mean seriously what the hell?!?? what does that mean? is it the cat? or is it you? can you suddenly talk to animals? why wont you just tell me how you feel instead of being so freaking crypitic!?!
*breath in, breath out, breath in, breath out.....i will not cry over him...not again...breath in, breath out*
ok i feel better.
heres my other delima. i have this other guy, who is awesome. i really like him, and hes a great friend. the trouble is that im in a spot where im afraid that i might end up hurting him. he likes me way too much, more then i ever deserve, and the more time i spend with him the more i like him too. im just wondering when that is gonna wear off and i am tiered of him. now this guy and i have been dating since september, and we havent even kissed yet, now the reason being was that i was dating guy #1(see above) and was too close to him already and i dont have the menatlty to be close to more then one person at a time. now that guy #1 isnt in the picture i am trying to get closer to him. i actually plan on kissing him for the first time, thats gonna be my x-mas gift to him. i just really hope that i dont hurt him and/or get hurt myself. cause love sucks, and it hurts more then anything in the world when you dont have it in your life when you might have thought you did.

peace xOx

story idea

so i had this great idea last night/this morning. while writing in my old journal catching myself up on all the relationships ive had in the last 3years, i decided to write about well that. i think that is the best thing i can do, it will be honest and well interesting to see how good my memory is. what i blocked out and what i remember like it was yesterday. i hope it all goes well. and i hope i have the proper motivation for it.

ok so this is just a normal blog.

i was think ing about a new story, it was something i had a dream about a month ago.  its been sitting in the back of my head bugging the crap out of me.  so yeah i thought id actually write it down.  its about a war, in america.  between america and russia.  it just happens with no warning at all.  the main character is a girl who just trying to survive during all the fighting and bombing.  she has company, and its a guy she kinda knows but they never saw eye to eye but they eventually are all they have left of the world they knew.  they eventually fall in love right before hes forced to go and fight for their country.  

so yeah the story is there, but im still working on the details.  obviously....well if i have any time or ideas ill write them on here.

~marti

Step One

Waking up was easy, when you still didn't belive what had become of your life. In my case I was in serious denial about a lot of things. One, I had recently moved in with my best friend and her family to save money. Two, I had a job that I loved, I mean seriously who actually likes working? I do, that's who. Three, I was dating my dream guy. I couldn't actually think about the last one, every time I did I felt the need to scream, or hyperventilate. Oh yeah and four, I had an amazing son who was incredibly smart. I couldn't actually believe my luck, most of my life I have been one of the few people who didn't get any luck. My parents died in a car crash when I was little so I was raised by my mom's parents. I loved my Grammy Tish and Gramps Mitch. Tish and Mitch, they too died when I was away at college for my freshman year. Grammy had a stroke and didn't recover and Gramps died of a broken heart, I missed them so much. My dads parents died before I was born so I never actually knew them. After Tish and Mitch died I had no one else in the world except my best friend, Kathy. Her mom took me in under her wing while Kathy and I finished school.

By the time we finished I had a steady boyfriend who asked me to move in with him. So I did, not really thinking about the consequences.